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American At Heart


Hart, aber wahr: seit meinem 15. Lebensjahr kannte ich die "AMIs", die 2005 das erste Mal an unsere Schule kamen... Vor allem zu einer von ihnen, Donna, fing ich nach diesem Besuch an, eine enge Beziehung aufzubauen. Es ist schwer, bei so einem Altersunterschied von 12 Jahren von Freundschaft zu sprechen, doch... Nun. Wie bereits beschrieben, hat mich diese Bekanntschaft, Freundschaft geprägt, in meinem Glauben, meinem Charakter, meiner Überzeugung. Meine erste Bibel bekam ich von Donna. Amerikaner waren die ersten Menschen, die von meiner Bekehrung erfuhren. Ich habe den Traum Amerika.
Und ich möcht' euch hier einige Chatlogs und E-Mail-Ausschnitte zeigen von Donna, die mich all die Jahre ertragen hat...
Ich erwarte nicht, dass ihr alles versteht, nicht was das sprachliche, sondern das emotionale angeht, doch ich kann diesen unheimlich wichtigen Teil meines Lebens nicht ignorieren und weglassen.



Das war eine der ersten Unterhaltungen, die wir über Gott hatten.

DJH12477: John 10:10
DJH12477: Christ purpose for coming to earth was so that we might have life... we can live a full and meaningful life right now!
DJH12477: life - beautiful... like what you asked me before about seeing the world as beautiful but not really feeling it?... you can feel it!

(…)

faeghena: i mean - i think i know what this stuff itself wants to tell me, but what do you want to tell me?
DJH12477: i want to tell you how i can go through life and feel it's beauty - because i want you to be able to experience it and live it too

(…)

DJH12477: 18Christ died for sins once and for all time. The One who did what is right died for those who don't do right. He died to bring you to God. His body was put to death. But the Holy Spirit brought him back to life.
faeghena: okay
DJH12477: He died to bring you (NICOLE) to God.



Hier war ich, offensichtlich, gerade in einer schlechten Phase und musste mich aussprechen. Hach. Es ist erstaunlich, wie standhaft sie war.

faeghena: i don't want to break 'something' - i want to break something that hurts
DJH12477: so what is hurting?

(…)

faeghena: i don't think there's anything you can do
DJH12477: well i am your friend
DJH12477: if that helps any

(…)

DJH12477: there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you
faeghena: sure...
DJH12477: goodness me girl.... what am i gonna do with you?
DJH12477: what can i do for you?
faeghena: nothing? i wish i would know..
faeghena: i'm sorry - i never wanted you to worry about me..
DJH12477: you don't need to apologize... and i only worry about you because i care about you
faeghena: life would be easier without worrying about me...
DJH12477: well i can't guarantee that i can not worry about you
faeghena: you should try
DJH12477: nah - you are too important for that
faeghena: i'm not
DJH12477: you are to me
faeghena: you can't do anything - i shouldn't be important to you.
faeghena: i'll disappoint you, i'll hurt you - i can't do anything else
DJH12477: it is okay - i will still be here for you



Nachfolgend nun ein paar Auszüge ihrer E-Mails und unserer Chats - beides hat mich regelmäßig begleitet. Wärme fürs Herz. Mehr als das - Liebe.

DJH12477: well - i do want you to know that though i am miles away and it is a little different than talking face to face... i hope you feel and know that you can talk to me at anytime about anything

*

DJH12477: oh - i have faith that one day you will talk

*

DJH12477: that is ok - i hope you know how much it makes me smile to see how you've grown and how you have stepped into this new relationship with Christ after searching and not just because

*

you have absolutely no reason to apologize... i enjoyed you being around and i hope that as time goes by that you will feel more comfortable around me and feel free to be Nicole, whether that means you talk or not is okay - as long as you are being YOU! and i hope you know you can talk to me at anytime about anything...

*

i treasure our friendship... i will always be here for you.
love you

*

I am so excited about all that God is doing in your life - I am very proud of you for going to english camp alone and stepping out of your comfort zone. you are incredible!

*

You are INCREDIBLE! for many reasons - not just because you went to english camp alone.

*

Nicole is INCREDIBLE because:
1. she is an excellent communicator - through writings and photography... and she is much improved with talking! 2. she has found TRUTH and it sets her free... a new creation in CHRIST!
3. she is my friend!
4. she is diligent in her work at school 5. the list could go on!!!

*

and you are NOT too stupid to talk... it is more like you are oozing with so much intelligence that when you do speak you put to shame all others around you

*

you know you can ALWAYS write to me about anything, anytime... i miss our daily chatting. i am REALLY looking forward to coming back to germany this year, more so than other times for some reason... i think it is going to be a lot of fun... and YOU BETTER BE THERE!!!

*

i don't think you need to be like your friends - stay true to being YOU. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with being quite and shy if that is you. and you don't have to talk with everybody that tries to talk with you - i mean be nice and all but you don't have to pour out your life and heart to just anybody either.

*

I really do wish we lived just a bit closer - I'd come over and we could eat chocolates all night...

*

I just want you to know I love you! I pray for you daily and wish you the very best God has to offer.



Dies hier ist ein Gebet, welches sie mir einmal geschickt hat, und welches die nachfolgenden Wochen immer bei mir war. Drucker macht's möglich.

dear God... thank you for the work you are doing in Nicole's life. thank you for her summer and her seeking the truth and finding, continue to draw her to you.
God, go before Nicole as she begins this new school year - help her to stay strong and seek you, protect her from bad influences, guard her from false teachings, shine through her to her friends, bring new friends to build her up and encourage her. God, fill those lonely moments with more of you - give her understanding of your word and comfort her during those times of hurt and frustration. God - be with Nicole's family... bring them to you. Restore broken relationships, strengthen this family that you have put together - give Nicole strength as she goes through these times. LOVE Nicole above all else and may she grow in love for you in return... give her a hug today for me God let her know she is thought about, cared for and loved by many others. and if it be your will help pave the way for her to be able to come to the usa next summer, work in the hearts of those that would say yes or no. - in Jesus' name - amen.



Auch heute begleitet sie mich immer noch. Ich weiß, ich kann ihr noch immer alles anvertrauen.
Hier ging es gerade darum, dass mein Ex in einer neuen Beziehung steckte.

DJH12477: adn trust me - you wait for GOD's best and you will be forever grateful for this time
DJH12477: i could NEVER have picked a better guy than Matt is to me... so all of those times when a break up hurt so bad i now am so grateful for that growing and hurt because it has been those times that have brought me to the place to be open to when Matt came along
faeghena: that's just easier said than done.
DJH12477: yep... it is easier than said done and it is over for you and him at this time, let it go and give it to God and if it is HIS best then it will come back again
faeghena: yeah.
DJH12477: it is tough but hang in there



Vor diesem Gesprächsauszug hatte ich ihr davon erzählt, dass mein damaliger Ex sich letztendlich doch zum christlichen Glauben hat überzeugen lassen - dank mir...

DJH12477: wow - that is so exciting! well i hope things continue to go well... it is VERY encouraging to me to see and hear you growing and sharing your faith consistently - you truly amaze me
faeghena: lol - only that it's like.. half a year ago
DJH12477: no - daily you take baby steps so at these times you take that big leap and share with someone else
faeghena: if you say so..
DJH12477: yes - i see it. you are an amazing young lady that i hold highly ... i pray one day you see your full potential



Natürlich war auch sie es, die mir den Wunsch Amerika in den Kopf pflanzte, was man nicht zuletzt diesem Auszug zuschreiben kann. Vorher hatte ich noch nie einen ernsthaften Gedanken daran verschwendet... Eine kleine Unterhaltung über 101 in 1001 ging voran.

faeghena: so - any ideas for the other 98 goals? : )
DJH12477: have a baby
faeghena: well, not before you're coming back to camp - just kidding : )
DJH12477: yeah - matt mentioned that the other night... what if i were pregnant or just had a baby next year when it was time to go?
faeghena: i think you wouldn't come, would you?
DJH12477: i told him it all depends on the timing, and if i couldn't go then maybe nicole could just come home with ya'll and be an aupair for awhile with us




Und da stehen wir nun.

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